Transmuting the Energy of Rage Out from the Deep Depths of Darkness
I was laying in the bathtub journeying through dreamtime realms. Scanning, sensing and feeling. Slowing down whenever a glimmer of insight became present. Allowing the space to deepen into the darkest depths of hidden, suppressed and repressed feeling ...
Listening more deeply I feel the regretful sadness of how I was not present one night in my first born’s early life. For 11 years I consoled myself with the knowledge that she, at least, cried herself to sleep in her nanny's arms and was loving held against a kind nurturing heart. But it was not my heart nor my arms. I was not there. In the presence of this remembering, I can still feel her infant longing and need for her mother, and I was not there.
I allow myself these feelings and in their acknowledgement allow them to move through me. I cry and grieve, releasing the residue of that sorrow from my body in womb pulsing waves as tears stream down my face into the bath water.
Experiencing the pulse of this amniotic fluid around me shifts my focus and lulls me into a sense of peace and fearlessness. I allow myself to dive under this sensation into deeper awareness of what treasure and power is buried underneath the new mother memory. Brought into the awareness of my embryonic infancy, I then sense my own buried longing.
Suddenly I am propelled into the future and see myself sitting and video-recording this journey (I haven't yet but I may).
In the dark light casting shadows across my grieved face, the fertile crone feeling the rage of loss asks aloud ...
Back in the present turbulence, waves of sorrow, grief, and well-hidden shame at how the emotions of grief feel, pulse through my womb and body. Relieved and grateful to unearth what had been hidden from conscious perception, I surrender it all in the waters of this nurturing womb in my bathroom.
Now go. Journey through time and space on one of the many paths wanting to be cleared to make more room for joy in your body and in your life. Take a long hot bath and let it all go.
The purpose of the work we do is to help allow the natural process of resolution and integration of experience to continually flow into wholeness and pathways of sustainable joyful liberation.
The Rite of the Womb, the 13th Rite of the Munay-Ki
“The womb is not a place to store fear and pain.
The womb is to create and give birth to life.”