From Shadows to Light:

Embracing the Path Forward

There was a time when I moved through life unconsciously, seeking escape without knowing what I was running from. Over time, a deeper calling pulled me toward healing, self-discovery, and transformation. This is a reflection on that journey—on unraveling, remembering, and becoming our true, authentic nature. It’s about embracing every part of ourselves with love and compassion and recognizing that our greatest power lies in creativity and rebirth.

​Rebel Heart, Remembering Soul: 
​Unraveling, Awakening, and the Art of Becoming

A child, barely a teenager—a goofball or rockstar, both parts of a whole. A story of unconsciously numbing an endless well of grief, pain, and trauma. Back then, I remember thinking: Why am I looking for something to be wrong when I had a great childhood? I wondered what was wrong with me for feeling the way I did, barely aware of the pain I was escaping through adventure-seeking, distraction, drinking, smoking and drugs.

By 17, I was smoking two packs of Marlboro Reds a day and embarking on mind-altering journeys. Even as I recognized my nicotine addiction and tried to quit, I carried the streak of a wounded rebel, wearing it as a badge of honor. I quit for a year—until I succumbed to the charms of the college boy who journeyed with me for a time. What the heck, I thought when he handed me a cigarette. And that was it—for another twenty years. Until I finally stopped to get pregnant and never looked back.

A few years later, I stopped smoking pot. Then drinking. The journey to sobriety a slow burn awakening over four decades.

Unfurling the child’s body of outrage-turned-against-herself, I embraced the work of opening her heart. First, by reclaiming the judgments I had placed on the world around me. Then, slowly dismantling the guard tower in my mind—a slingshot rubber-band boomerang trigger that hurled me from soul-level comprehension to the fragmented consciousness of an ego trapped, fighting against annihilation—for love, care, kindness—seeking a mirror of its existence. From 17 to 24, year after year, trauma after trauma, until the bomb that broke the camel’s back stopped me in my tracks, brought me to my knees, and woke me up to my true path and purpose. I knew I had survived to live for a reason.

I questioned it at first, but I knew I had to wake up. I sought healing—repairing the rift of consciousness, the dissociation that kept me separate from my pain and the endless well of grief that spanned beyond my own—to generations, to lifetimes. One step at a time, one breath at a time. I gathered the fractured pieces of myself. Somehow, through it all, I was guided—by a compass within my center, an orientation to peace and light. A remembering, orchestrated by souls near and dear, crossing my human path to remind me of who I am.
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A life of teachers. And though I will forever be a student of life, always learning, even at a soul level, I know this human is called forth to serve. I also recognize my ego, who answers this call. It feels good to serve, to support life as it thrives. After all, I am helping myself to thrive. We are One—parts of a whole.

Goofball or rockstar? That athlete, poet, whimsical kid is still inside me—dancing, singing songs from Hair, softball mitt on, baseball cap low, a joint hanging from the corner of her mouth—stoned out of her mind. I hold her without judgment—only with love and compassionate care. I witness her experience, celebrating her gifts, her creativity, wit, and passion for the art of play.

Our greatest gift is our creative power—to give birth to new worlds. Embrace every particle of your essence. Love is your rocket fuel. That’s what we are here for now.